could someone point me in the right direction on a DIY for installing an ARB front bumper on a 2003 xterra no BL, thx and the things to not do when installing.

ITs pretty simple.. the arb has holes.. and it bolts to the frame... Look at arbusa.com
They have instructions

i just went on there website i couldnt find there instructions, it had though a PDF file on options. is it the same as shrocker on 00-01 DIY link ?

There are pre drilled holes that line up exactly with the existing holes in your frame horns. All you have to do is get a couple buddies to hold it up for you while you put bolts through the holes.

On the newer bumpers they also have you drill one hole per side once you get it mounted & leveled so if for whatever reason your bolts loosen up the bumper won't move around on you.
Give them a call. I've met most of the ARB guys and they are a very knowledgeable and helpful bunch of guys and gal!.

My ARB "installation instructions" do not say to drill a hole thru the frame to add another bolt. It only says to use 3 bolts per side. The instructions supplied really aren't of much use. It tells you what to torque the bolts to though. (My bumper arrived 2 days ago).

Take all the stock stuff off. It can be done with the grill left on, but is a pain. If you remove the grill, make sure to put it back on before you attach the ARB bumper, it will not come off with the ARB bumper on the car. Also, when you put the grill back on, use needle nose pliers to put the snap/screw things back on the grill, then snap it onto the car. I could only line up the 4 threaded holes when I installed mine last night. I'm going to have to file to get the third lower bolt in on each side. It's close, but not close enough. I'll get some photos after lunch. i wired the lights up as turn signals since I heard they will melt if used for parking lights, unless you change out the bulb.

The bigger bolt supplied wouldn't make it thru...There is an extra hole if you wanted to drill thru the frame, but it wasn't in the instructions. I'm assuming since these are mass produced that they are drilled for another model vehicle.

Right that third hole is supposed to be used once you get the bumper mounted where you want and just as backup insurance in case the bolts loosen up.

The drilling Fzzt was talking about is for a second gen. On every bumper, beyond the stock mounting locations, there are 2 'pinning' bolts to keep it from twisting under load, mainly winching. On ours it just uses the factory tie-downs. I had to file one of mine too, but it was a bit closer than yours. Did you try repositioning it with the 4 frame bolts not all the way in?

The drilling Fzzt was talking about is for a second gen. On every bumper, beyond the stock mounting locations, there are 2 'pinning' bolts to keep it from twisting under load, mainly winching. On ours it just uses the factory tie-downs. I had to file one of mine too, but it was a bit closer than yours. Did you try repositioning it with the 4 frame bolts not all the way in?

Yeah, I tried to move it to line it all up, but I had no luck. I spent maybe 10 minutes or less with a round file today and they went right in. I guess it looks worse than it really was. Glad that's all done now...

One thing I'm still a little confused about is where are you supposed to pull from on the front? Since the factory tow hook thing won't fit with the ARB bumper. I am thinking using both of those holes on the front of the bumper with shackles and strap between them both.

Yep those 2 holes that stick out from the frame mounts are for shackles. I don't think you have to use both. There's a member with an SASed X and he's done hard pulls from them no problem. I called ARB and confirmed also.